Goodbye Darkness, My Old Friend (and why you, Dear Reader, should stay)

To those who feel unseen and unheard…to those who talk without speaking…to those who feel as if their presence is inconsequential: 

 

Don’t believe the lies you have been told.

Believe Truth. Believe this: each of us was created for a purpose. Each of us has so much to offer. The power that resides within us is limitless. Even when this Truth feels empty and inadequate, trust that it’s enough. Why do I seem so sure of this when, almost daily, I feel vulnerable to the allure of the aforementioned lies?

Because one day, almost a year ago, I met someone who changed my life…even though he believed his own life wasn’t worth saving. Read More

Why THIS Isn’t the End of the Story

Two years ago, I was in desperate need of saving. With an intense distrust of people and a mind overflowing with unanswered questions, I was about to graduate from college. Life as I knew it would soon be over and I would be forced to enter a world that I was completely unprepared for—a world that I really didn’t want to be a part of. Read More

When You Don’t Know How to Live in the Present

PART I: Waiting

I’m different. I’ve always been different.

The whispers started at a young age: “What’s wrong with her?” “Why doesn’t she talk?” Read More

Are You Living A Lie?

I’m very self-aware. People tell me this all the time (so much so that this statement has lost some of its power).

And it’s great—I know who I am and why I am that way. However, lately I’ve been thinking…and questioning…and I’m not sure if who I am currently is who I was created to be.

I’m sorry Holden Caulfield…I think I’m a phony. Read More

Learning To Fail

There has been an intense battle raging within me for the past two weeks. Intense.

I have felt worthless. Expendable. Invisible. The list of feelings goes on and on, but you get the idea. Not good.

I have completely hated myself and believed myself to be utterly void of redeemable qualities. I figured I might as well cease to exist. I was certain that if Clarence the Angel (if you haven’t seen “It’s a Wonderful Life,” watch it), visited me and showed me what a world without my presence would look like, there would be no recognizable difference between that world and the one that I was living in. Ok, I admit there would be a slight change—but simply because other people would not be forced to bear the burden of dealing with me.

[Ok, I know this doesn’t sound very positive so far, but keep reading…]

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Why You Can’t Save Other People

The weight of anxiety is so heavy—much heavier in fact, than the weight of a gazillion stickers. Let me explain…

Circa 2000, the supermarket. While waiting for the endless line of groceries to move down the conveyer belt to be paid for and finally packaged, my two brothers and I grew restless and scoped out a place to sit—under the eye-catching display of crazy stickers, bouncy balls, and mini plastic animals—a feast for our eyes and almost too much for our little selves to handle.

We were more than happy to pass away the time beneath these see-thru treasure “boxes” that would dispense pure happiness for a mere 25 cents. While we sat, we laughed and chatted about nonsensical things, but to us, in that moment, we were engaged in the most important conversation in the world. Our blissful respite, however, was short-lived as stickers began flying in every direction. Any idea of a truly magical moment quickly dissipated as we realized the cause for the sudden “sticker storm.”

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For When You Keep Falling

I’ve been losing my footing a lot lately.

Pokhara, Nepal.

After an interesting morning spent searching for the mighty Himalayas through the heavy fog and trying to figure out the song my heart wanted to sing, I embarked down a “hill” (Nepalese for mountain) with Sarah, my companion for the trip and a fellow sojourner, to the muddied lake below.

Rainy season in Nepal translates into earth that is continuously damp and muddy. As I tried to hike down the hill, I encountered slick rocks that caused me to lose my footing. I felt like a child first learning to walk – legs wobbling, ankles turning in – barely catching myself before I stumbled once again. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to keep going or simply plop down and give up.

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done.

I like to hide behind words. But hidden beyond quotes and my excessive ramblings, know this:

I am done.

I. Am. So. Done.

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